There is no universal language of grief. You cannot judge a person by their way of grieving.
A mother grieving over the death of her only son. the grief compounded by her recent knowledge of his life that he had kept away from her. his wonderful, fulfilling life with his lover, a man. the anger she feels at her dead son for hiding away his world from her, for being a homosexual and for leaving so many things unfinished and for dying so suddenly in a freak accident. the pain and grief for the young life that was cut short so brutally. she cannot say anything to her dead son. so she directs her angst, ire, irritation and frustration at her son's boyfriend.
The boyfriend, who silently grieves the loss of his beloved. in a world that looks down on same sex love, he has labored though his sexuality and when he found love with someone, it was taken away in a matter of seconds. the life they had envisaged together lies shattered. all he has left are the unfulfilled desires and promises. he would like to grieve for his beloved, just as any normal person does. his pain and anguish isnt any less because of the "unusual nature" of his relationship.
Then the world of the grieving mother and the grieving lover clashes. whose grief is more real ? the mother's loss of her son or the lover's loss of a beloved ? Or, as someone rightly put it, is there such a thing as a hierarchy of grief ? is the lover's grief any less because of the nature or span of their relationship ? doesnt he deserve as much memories of his dead beloved as a mother deserves of her dead son ?
They say that grief creates unusual bridge between people. the mother and lover realize that each have special memories of the person which are equally precious and important. nothing can be achieved by anger and accusations being hurled by one to another. instead the tussle for memories slowly changes to a sharing of memories. they start bonding over their loss. each of them treasure fractured memories of the dead person. and by sharing them with one another, they are able to create the memory of a complete person. a doting son, a loving partner.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=te8LQ0WTjVE&feature=relmfu
A mother grieving over the death of her only son. the grief compounded by her recent knowledge of his life that he had kept away from her. his wonderful, fulfilling life with his lover, a man. the anger she feels at her dead son for hiding away his world from her, for being a homosexual and for leaving so many things unfinished and for dying so suddenly in a freak accident. the pain and grief for the young life that was cut short so brutally. she cannot say anything to her dead son. so she directs her angst, ire, irritation and frustration at her son's boyfriend.
The boyfriend, who silently grieves the loss of his beloved. in a world that looks down on same sex love, he has labored though his sexuality and when he found love with someone, it was taken away in a matter of seconds. the life they had envisaged together lies shattered. all he has left are the unfulfilled desires and promises. he would like to grieve for his beloved, just as any normal person does. his pain and anguish isnt any less because of the "unusual nature" of his relationship.
Then the world of the grieving mother and the grieving lover clashes. whose grief is more real ? the mother's loss of her son or the lover's loss of a beloved ? Or, as someone rightly put it, is there such a thing as a hierarchy of grief ? is the lover's grief any less because of the nature or span of their relationship ? doesnt he deserve as much memories of his dead beloved as a mother deserves of her dead son ?
They say that grief creates unusual bridge between people. the mother and lover realize that each have special memories of the person which are equally precious and important. nothing can be achieved by anger and accusations being hurled by one to another. instead the tussle for memories slowly changes to a sharing of memories. they start bonding over their loss. each of them treasure fractured memories of the dead person. and by sharing them with one another, they are able to create the memory of a complete person. a doting son, a loving partner.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=te8LQ0WTjVE&feature=relmfu
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