We - I

I have the characters in place. i need is a good screenplay. an interesting story that interlinks the following characters, who btw, are friends.


Charater 1 is in this forbidden relationship, one that seems real, but the stress of the forbidden fruit might be too much to handle. can she really find her happiness in it ?
Character 2 longs for this person who could be the one, but the ghosts of her past wont let her pursue.
Character 3 had the fairly-tale wedding. but then became the adult.
Character 4 cant have a relationship for more than a few months at a stretch. but each relationship leaves deep wounds in its wake. what is she seeking ?
Character 5 is older, wiser, cautioning others on the mistakes of her life. but were they really mistakes or a life lived on her terms ?

We have come a long long way since starting out eleven years ago.

P.S.: one of the characters is me.

P.P.S.: all characters are real-life ones.

For Me and People Like Me...

We'll always be judgmental. We always have been. But not to the point of letting that get in the way of making good friends.

But certainly that extra distance needed to make great friends, that will not happen again. Because we'll be careful and judgmental.

There was a time when i was innocent and naive. i was always opinionated as hell. but i believed in relationships lasting forever. be it with friends, or family. i met some amazing people and they became my good friends. of course the friendship didn't come without its share of arguments, fights and the ensuing madness. but i (or rather we both) could move past it and we would still be the same friends as if the event never occurred. i was not resigned to the fact that people will always move on and move away. that gave me the ability to form some extra-ordinary friendships with vastly different people. i could let people be. in fact when i think of it, those people were the ones hardly liked by the masses. some among the masses were openly amazed how i got along so well with such people.

These few people have really stuck by me now. these relationships have remained intact till date along with its share of tremendous ups and downs. they have stood the test of time, faith and strength. perhaps there will be further duress, more ups and downs, but these relationships have a fighting chance of survival.

With a great friend, you would have had the biggest, ugliest and longest fights and differences. but you still come back to each other because you both realize that the friendship is much bigger than the fight, clash of egos and differences in opinions. you might have hurt the friend, but not with any intention. saying sorry  doesn't feel like a blow at self-respect, a heartfelt apology will not be taken with any caveat. you would fight tooth and nail to have them in your life. it is these criterion that make the friendship last.


I had promised myself that i will not get nostalgic, but.oh...well, i can handle the trough much better. so i find myself yearning for those innocent days. i have obviously come a long way in realizing that world isn't just black and white, but more grey. that people deserve second chances and you have to accept people for who they are. so in that way, there isn't really much of a difference in what i was and what i am now. but i have also learnt to let it go and let it be, easily. THAT probably is the deal-breaker. so i feel the time to form new great friendships is probably over. notice that i use the word "time" and not "age". that time might come for some people at the age of 20, 30, 60 or if they are lucky, never. but for me, it is probably gone. i can definitely get over disappointments way more quickly, have very less expectations and can be days and weeks together without talking to some people. but the extra distance that makes all the difference between a good and a great friend, i am not so sure if that extra effort will come from me. even if it does, it will come with a sidebar: this can disappear next moment, so do not invest too much. you cannot form great friendships if you remain passive and have a sense of doom. there has to be, almost, a need, a passion, vitality and vigor to pursue a good person. or else you will always have good friends. not great friends.

Strength is not the absence of weakness as courage is not the absence of fear. our (chosen) path in life can have a lot many consequences. some are disastrous and some are expected. and yet, some are surprisingly different.

The only morality that one needs to adhere to, is not to hurt anyone, intentionally. sometimes you face  situations which are so out of your control. so much so that you hurt the people you love the most. i have done that. i have done that and much more. and i am not proud of it and neither do i ever justify it. which is exactly why i call them my mistakes. morality sometimes kicks-in only when you get caught in the act. perhaps i can take some cold comfort in the fact that it was my own decision to come-out clean to the people i chose to. in the ensuing process, i have lost almost all my friends. my family has stopped trusting me. some have chosen the ambiguity of  silence, some have plainly made it clear that they would not like to keep in touch with me ever again. yet, there have been precious few who have chosen to at least try to look past it. only time will tell what happens to the last few of those relationships.

To those who have chosen to remain silent or weed me out of their lives, you have full right to see this as you feel like. i have destroyed the faith you had placed me and i have abused your trust and respect. you may say that i have done something that even an enemy would not do. i have lost the right to expect a fair treatment from you.  but for one second, can you not see me past that ?  have i not admitted that they were my mistakes ? did i ever try to justify my actions ?

Or perhaps, i can again take a small comfort in thinking that our good relationship lastly while things were good and dandy. perhaps the strength of the relationship was only so much and i subjected it to way more duress than it could handle. i only wish most of my relationships were stronger than what i had assumed them to be.