I get a total of 1 hour of non-work time on the laptop. Each day. And I spend that again in front of my other laptop. Hah.
For the last one week, I have watched Valentine's Day and Love Actually in a loop. No, I am not mooning and pining and lovesick. I am just not in the mood of anything cerebral. I finished A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry), The Remains of the Day (Ishiguro), Best Short Stories of Maxim Gorky and a part of Fali S Nariman's autobiography, Before Memory Fades. I admit, I read some author's works not because I know anything about them, but for the sheer need to show-off to my own self that I am reading literary fiction.
I think I have found my new love. Benedict Cumberbatch of Sherlock. Well, not typically my idea of a heartbreaker, but he looks incredibly good with dark hair instead of the horrible shock of blonde hair. The sharp and well-cut clothes only help in creating the aura that Sherlock's character is. Refreshing takes on some of ACD's most famous stories of the detective and creating new extensions, having text messages on screen rather than a cut-away shot of the hand holding the phone, Sherlock speaking as though trying to keep-up with his racing mind, the friendly (mistaken by others as gay) relationship between Sherlock and Watson (that has been the subject of much speculation but never been depicted on the screen out-rightly). Taking the cake is the writer's depiction of Moriarty, the child-like "consultant criminal" who looks at the London Tower and sticks his tongue out. It isnt hard to feel his malevolence when he says, "I will burn the heart out of you".
I have been going to a lot of movies, alone. A friend said once there is a theory that tries to observe why women find it hard(er) to go for movies alone than men. Is it because women care more for appearances than men and going to movies alone makes one look a bit (or quite) pathetic, lonely and sort-of, the quintessential middle-aged-spinster-in-dire-need-of-(male)company ? But isnt it one of those cool, being the 21st century woman-ly thing to do ? (there ought to be a sarcasm font). The truth is, I usually dont have time over the weekends and I hang-out with people who don't wait for each other to catch a movie. So, I have learned the hard way that either catch the movie at your own convenient time or miss it altogether. Tough call eh ?
Someone said that not having a place to come back to, after a hard day's work could be quite depressing. True that. What if the only place in the world that you could call home becomes an alienated place to you ? What if that place no longer feels home ? And worse still, what if you realize that you do not care anymore ? I'd say it is time to pack the bag and the baggage and move -on. Literally and otherwise.
Again, I wonder why I write this blog. Is it because of the need to show-off my writing skills (if any) ? Maybe. I would like some unknown person to come across my writings and maybe be able to connect with this part of my life that I write about. Writing helps me to order the chaotic mess of my thoughts and helps me to remember small details of some days that might have gotten overshadowed in the rush. Most importantly, as the poet and cultural critic Matthew Arnold said, in his piece, Absence:
And we forget because we must, and not because we will.
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In my moments of despair, I try to recollect a conversation where you said that I am "gentle". I have come to believe in a smart piece of saying which goes, "The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid." Call it a wisdom that comes with age, late realization or a desperate attempt to hold on to your memory.
