Nice Guys - an article

It is a very well-known and often-circulated article (written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal) doing the rounds a few years back. conversation with a friend brought back memories of it. i will refrain from writing my own opinions about this piece of writing. but it does have a way of eliciting some reaction from everyone who reads it for the first time.




Ode to the Nice Guys

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgment, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

-Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

Let me add that i have had the good fortune of knowing some such nice guys :)

Two Movies

American Beauty and Home at the End of the World

few movies leave such an impression on you that even if you might have seen them a few years back, you still remember some of the dialogues or incidents in the movie. and they keep coming back to you at unexpected times or consciously.

American Beauty: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169547/

Lester Burnham. some character you have to hate and love. the blatantly open sexuality in the movie is almost cringe-worthy, yet the satire hits you so hard that you just have to laugh at the characters or laugh with them. it has multiple interpretations about the portrayal of ideas we have about conforming to the moral and social standards. and also the idea of beauty itself. and there is really no other word to describe the movie than saying - beautiful. the last dialogue of the movie sums-up the idea pretty well:

"....I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world..."

has to be the best way to sum-up the world.

A Home at the End of the World: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0359423/

The tag line of the movie is: "Family can be whatever you want it to be". there is no better way to sum-up the movie. perhaps the line hits home real close for me because one of my brother is gay. i was the first one in my family he came out to. before that incident, i merely knew about the existence of homosexuality in society. i was being politically correct by merely looking at it from a distance because it had nothing to do with me. but now i know that he will never have a "traditional" family. i cannot imagine what courage it took for him to come-out to me before he even made any attempt to know my views on homosexuality. inspite of this, he harbors dreams of finding a life-partner and having a family. then who is society to quash such simple ambitions ?

Floccinaucinihilipilification

why the name ?

it is one of the longest word - 29 letters. there are other words much longer than this, but mostly of scientic compounds. but this is the only non-technical word to be incorporated in the oxford english dictionary. i find it ironical as the meaning of the word is: of no value. so many letters for no value eh ?

this word was used in one of my favourite Ray movie Agantuk.

probably that is what i think of this blog. it isn't some earth-shattering rocket science. it is just a collection of my thoughts and opinions. the name also serves as a subtle warning to anyone who might come across my writings ;), so no one can accuse me of wasting their time. too bad if the reader doesn't know the meaning. hopefully the length of the word might inspire them to look-up for the meaning before going ahead and reading this blog.

who knows, 10 years later, i might read them and not recognize the person anymore. or laugh my guts out. or just give a philosophical smile and say, "whatever..!!!".

Happy Ending

He's Just Not That Into You. Not a groundbreaking movie by any standards.

it had its share of "aha, i know this type" characters - the "come'on !! how can someone be so dumb" type, the "what a loojer" type, the "poor li'l girl" type, the "what a @#!?!!, serves her right" type, the "fool returns home at the end of the day" type, the "she needs a commitment" type, the "typical commitment phobic" type, and many more (when i say "many more", what i really mean is: "i have run out of type'fying the rest of the characters").

i disagreed with most of the views presented in the movie, probably because i am not into reading signals. that goes for the positive and negative ones, unfortunately. it isn't a new phenomenon and going by experience, i don't know if i will ever change.

but this particular dialogue at the end was interesting:

"And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

a realistic perspective to the almost non-existent and questionable concept of "happy endings". especially after the overdose of the 80's - 90's bollywood sagas of the hero-heroine holding hands and walking into the sunset. what the story-writer of these sagas forgot to add was: "we are only showing a part of the relationship. for all you know, they will end-up hating each-other 5 years from now and go their separate ways."

as a director very rightly said: "If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story."

P.S: jeez, so many quotes ("...") in this post :O

Books read since last 12 months

book of laughter and forgetting - milan kundera
calcutta chromosomes - amitav ghosh
watchmen - alan moore
shadow lines - amitav ghosh
numbers in the dark - italo calvino
persepolis - marjane satrapi
lost symbol - dan brown

pathetic number :(

to be read:

nocturnes - kazuo ishiguro
short stories by franz kafka
papillion - henry charriere
the world is flat - thomas friedman
thousand splendid suns - khalid hosseini
the white tiger - arvind adiga

Persepolis

We can only feel sorry for ourselves when our misfortunes are still supportable....once this limit is crossed, the only way to bear the unbearable is to laugh at it.

It is fear that makes us lose our conscience. it is also what transforms us into cowards.

- Marjane Satrapi.

Got a dose from ma again. from feeling sad, hurt, guilt, tears etc, i have started to think that she does it is more for herself, as an outlet. so now i only sigh and make fun of the situation (but not her, of course !). because humor is all i have left. cant let it go. i need it for my sanity.

From a ritualistic atheist

S calls himself a ritualistic atheist. his views on clay-idol worship:

we do need some idols to conceptualize God once in a while. but after they are immersed in the Ganges then we are back to our minds.

infact the immersion ka mantra says "all this while u were in this clay doll. now take your seat within me"

If I could wish for just one thing, I’d wish to remember forever, the kind words spoken to me; If I could hope for just one thing, I’d hope to always remember to think and wish well for all those around; If I could destroy just one thing, I’d destroy all the hurt I receive from the world; If I could believe just one thing, I’d believe in honesty and purity of one’s soul; If I could pray for just one thing, I’d pray for love and gratitude; If I could be just one thing, I’d be all that I am meant to be.

- M

...kuchh reet jagat ki aisi hai
har ek subah ki shaam hui...

- Kuchh To Log Kahenge from Amar Prem

I shrugged

You know the what scares me the most about love ? By love meaning anyone you love - your parents, siblings, friends, fiance/life partner. more than guilt, the strings attached, the commitments, the burden, the fights, the tears...

when one person shrugs his/her shoulder and says "i cant care what you think" or "do whatever you want".

it doesn't need to be about the difference in ideology or point of view. probably that, we can agree to disagree. but not when one person's action or words doesn't seem to make any difference to the other person, that is something i find almost chilling to the bone.

we make it a point to say this, make it bold, underlined and italicized that "we don't care what the world thinks of us, except that we care what a few important people think about us, say to us or perceive about us." and i try to follow this tenet to the last word. but i am mortally afraid for that relationship when one amongst them gives me the cold shoulder, or says, "well, do what you want, i don't really care". how can that be possible ? when the person in front of you is so important to you (and assuming this attitude is definitely two-way street, say in case of parents, siblings whom we are genetically programmed to love), how can it not matter ?

even the part-cynicist in me doesn't understand it....

She paints her face to hide her face.

- Memoirs of a Geisha