Can i not lend my books to you and still be friends with you ?

When you lend a book to someone, all you have left is luck. you have got to be lucky to get back the book. and luckier if you get back the book in good shape (assuming you kept the book in a good shape). initially you are hesitant to ask about your book because you are being polite and gracious. but there is no guarantee that your graciousness will be returned. and then after a sufficient amount of time, when you think they might have been done with the book, you realize they have actually done away with your book. here's how it might happen:

* the book joins their collection of books. here again, there might be a chance of recovery. when i gently point it out, they give a sheepish grin and (finally) return my book.

* the above case, with the claim that the copy is theirs. and i am left to twiddle my thumb and bid a silent and mournful goodbye to my book.

* they lend your book off to someone else. that someone else gives it to someone else and so on. and before long, your book is gone. after all this, they say: okay, i will buy you a new copy. seriously ? when will they get it that it wasn't just a book. it was MY book. i bought it with my money, after a lot of thought and consideration and discussion and deliberation. (whee ! i do that with books, not clothes :D).

* they think they have returned your book. unfortunately it is my word against them, so this is the saddest thing to happen. 

* then sometimes you get back your book but you hardly recognize that it was yours. it would have gone through a harrowing time in the hands of its last reader.

I've had a friend who lost my Wodehouse omnibus and tried to placate me with a tiny single Wodehouse ("its the same author!"). i lost my Feynman. the person i lent it to, gave the book to someone else and that someone else doesn't remember the whereabouts of the book anymore. my new copy of  The Inheritance of Loss  was returned to me with dog-ears and tea-stains. the person didn't even realize it. i have lost my White Tiger and have no clue who has it. these are just a few of them. i am not going into others.

probably it isn't fair that people understand this, but for me, the books i have are a part of my identity. the way i keep them is an extension of my own lifestyle. to lose them is like losing a small part of myself and that can never be replaced. i do not have an unlimited source of money. so i try to read-up a book before buying or trust very very few people on their opinions about books i haven't read. so that i don't waste my money on books i don't like.

so the next time a friend (with a "history" with my books) asks for a book from me, can i politely decline and still be friends with this person ? Hmmm.

P.S.: i do not have the habit of writing my name on the books, but i am doing that now, often. guess i learnt it the hard way.