Har Fikar Ko Dhuen Mein...

As i grow older and come closer to the "dreaded" 30s, i feel more and more secure about myself. funnily, i have very little going in my life. yet i dont feel the pressure. i dont feel the need to impress someone and i couldnt care less if i rub anyone the wrong way. i only talk to people i like or care about (and that pool is decreasing at an alarmingly fast rate). i can barely hide my irritation or boredom with some people. not only do i have extreme opinions, but i have excellent ways to self-justify having such opinions. most of the time emotions mean very very little to me as i think that it is all about hormones. i have more and more people to have small-talk with. i feel less inclined to open-up and burden them with my worries.

i have made the ignominious journey from being the golden girl in my family to the black, dark sheep.

am i growing complacent or is it just a coping mechanism that i have developed  ? only time will tell. meanwhile, every other day, i find new ways of being busy with my own self.

Perhaps, Sahir Ludhianvi has summed it up so aptly :

Maein Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chala Gaya
Har Fikar Ko Dhuen Mein Udata Chala Gaya

Barbadiyon Ka Shok Manana Fizul Tha
Barbadiyon Ka Jashan Manata Chala Gaya
Har Fikar Ko Dhuen Mein Udata Chala Gaya

Jo Mil Gaya Usi Ko Muqaddar Samajh Liya
Jo Kho Gaya Maein Usko Bhulata Chala Gaya
Har Fikar Ko Dhuen Mein Udata Chala Gaya

Gham Aur Khushi Mein Farq Na Mehsoos Ho Jahan
Maein Dil Ko Us Muqaam Pe Laata Chala Gaya
Har Fikar Ko Dhuen Mein Udata Chala Gaya...

lyrics courtesy: http://www.dishant.com/lyrics/song-55718.html

P.S.: Sahir Ludhianvi deserves a separate post.