The truest friend does not doubt but hope.

- Emma

All is Fair !

the world is actually pretty fair. eventually, everything adds up and makes sense. the trick is to know where to look for answers or how to interpret them. and the bigger trick is to last that long, to arrive at the stage of eventually.  you gain some and then you lose some. or the other way round. failures are relatively easy to handle if you think that success is there...somewhere. tears are easy to deal with if you know that you will laugh at some point in time. so in the pretext of eternal search of happiness a li'l harsh words, misunderstandings, anger, frustrations...all are accepted. all for the cause of a better life, the promised land. all for the life that i dont even know if it exists. and before i get too sarcastic, let me end this post with some pertinent words.

in Gulzar's words:  

Muskuraun to..

Muskuraane ke
Karz utaarne honge

or as Bhavaticharan Varma in his famous poem "Hum Deewanon Ki Kya Hasti" puts it:

Jag se uska kuch liye chale,
Jag ko apna kuch diye chale

....

Parents

i guess one is almost genetically programmed to love them. but sometimes their overbearing love and their need to control and our ensuing guilt can alienate you from them. and then you only feel beholden to them because of the economic investments that they have made with you. the emotional and familial ties get damaged forever. and these latter ties are so fragile that it may be years before any attempt can be made to repair them. there remains no room for anything else but resentment.

i am fighting this feeling. resisting it with all the willpower i have. dont know how long my strength will last. and i know it is going to be miserable either way, unless....

what makes more sense: live for a cause or die for one ? more often than not, i desperately want either one.

you grow-up and grow-out.

Parenting is about controlling. hell, i think love is, at the end of the day, about controlling. and i have never understood control. is that a good or a bad thing ? dont know.

when you are cornered, everyone takes a pot-shot at you. isse kehte hain: behti ganga mein haath dona. is this really how the world works or is this only localized to the people around me ? i pray for the latter.

some people make everything about themselves, at the expense of your misery. so much so that you  would rather forget about your own misery and  put them out of their (so-called) misery.

...and then i have a heavenly bar of dark chocolate. well, all isnt well with the world, but what the heck, there is more to life than the above lines.

cheers !

letting it go and letting it be.

it was such a long long time ago that it feels like it was in a different lifetime.

Time

it is surprising what time does to us.

with time, we find our peace. the operative word being "our". it is surprising how time dulls the pain. you almost feel too lazy to react to an issue that, say, a year back would have riled you up and affected you for hours or days together. it isnt that other issues take more importance than the previous ones, but with time, you learn to smile and move-on. its not that you stop feeling, but you are better equipped to deal with the emotions. its not about making a compromise. it just makes you more accepting, more forgiving, less demanding. you argue less with people, you learn to let go more easily, you learn to take care of your own self.

it is such a peaceful feeling.

or perhaps time also signifies aging and maturity :)

Time and again I am reminded, very rudely, that there are absolutely no free lunches in this world. not with strangers, friends, certainly not with family.

When will i ever learn and drill this fact into my head ?

Tactic and Strategy

                     
My tactic is
to look at you
to learn how you are
to love you as you are

my tactic is
to talk to you
and to listen to you
to build with words
an indestructible bridge

my tactic is
to remain in your memories
I don't know how
nor
with what pretext
but to remain with you

my tactic is
to be frank
and to know that you're frank
and not to sell to ourselves
simulations
so that between us
there is no curtain
nor abyss

my strategy is
in contrast
deeper and
more simple

my strategy is
that one of these days
I don't know how
nor
with what pretext
you finally
need me.

~ by Mario Benedetti
 

Magical Realism

This is why he is called a magician, or an author who can spin a web of magical realism:

"The Shah of Blah lost his Gift of the Gab and fell under the evil spell of the Prince of Silence and Foe of Speech".

his son complained to him that he wrote books for everyone but children. and then came this book. a father who had to leave his family and go into hiding, writing to his son, teaching him through allegorical stories about darkness, loss, pain, hope, faith, laughter. i havent come across a book that is so powerful in telling us the importance of stories and dreams. there is a healthy dose of reality, albeit without cynicism.

he dedicates this book to his son, Zafar with these words:

Z embla, Zenda, Xanadu:
A ll our dream-worlds may come true
F airy lands are fearsome too
A s I wonder far from view
R ead, and bring me home to you.